Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Ketchup is God's man juice
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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