Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
