good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
