Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
