Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
