im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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