so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
