I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
