Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
