I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
