Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
