I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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