I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
