Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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