You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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