i just wanna soil my oats bro
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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