I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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