My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
