Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
