Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she peed on how many people?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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