If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
