So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
