why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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