Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
