i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
