Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
