Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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