ADVERTISEMENT

• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat

  Fav 6 3182 942

  share tweet
  

• (209): View more from California

  You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.

  Fav 23 2493 7210

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (301): View more from Maryland

  Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job

  Fav 21 3921 2483

  share tweet
  

• (208): View more from Idaho

  know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing

  Fav 26 6037 1907

  share tweet
  

• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.

  Fav 11 3382 1664

  share tweet
  

• (214): View more from Texas

  The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.

  Fav 1 2313 1053

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (907): View more from Alaska

  The chlamydia really affected his face.

  Fav 6 691 2398

  share tweet
  

• (480): View more from Arizona

  Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"

  Fav 6 1552 1167

  share tweet
  

• (250): View more from British Columbia

  do u know what happened to the bottles last night?

  (1-250): View more from British Columbia

  apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone

  Fav 4 1730 681

  share tweet
  

• (619): View more from California

  We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.

  Fav 7 2926 726

  share tweet
  

• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight

  Fav 2 673 1179

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.

  Fav 1 737 361

  share tweet
  

• (585): View more from New York

  There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?

  Fav 1 303 154

  share tweet
  

• (425): View more from Washington

  I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.

  Fav 1 106 13

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (407): View more from Florida

  Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.

  Fav 0 4 39

  share tweet
  

Randomize