My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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