the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
