I'm going to jail i love you
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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