you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
