Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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