You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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