I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
