im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
