I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
