When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
