One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
