so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
