Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
