I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
