Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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