and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
