so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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