Tell her she can't have a vagina
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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