Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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