brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This baby is an asshole
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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