Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
