no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
