Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
