I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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