3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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