btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
