Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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