I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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