Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
