Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
