she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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