I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
