u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
