apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
