2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize