Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
