Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
