Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
