I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
