So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
