youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
